drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
