I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
