I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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