Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
