I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
