apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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