Please, let me fuck your mom
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
