I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
We need to get me chipped asap
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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