I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
