What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize