I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
