We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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