do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
