Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
