The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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