stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
