There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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