u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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