No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
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I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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