So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
