Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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