I just made out with a guy for $7.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
