I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
