One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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