So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
