i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
