he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
