If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
