where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Ladies don't puke and tell
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
