My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
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