Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
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