she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
