I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
