I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
