Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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