Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
