You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
