dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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