if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
