and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
