I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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