i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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