thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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