also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
