I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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