I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
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