Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
