My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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