So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
