I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
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Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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