First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
