fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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