i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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