dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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