Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
