Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
