Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
