So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize