This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
