he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
