You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Are my feet made of real feet?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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