The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
3 2 1 whiskey
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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