eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
