Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
